I think long and hard about this statement (yes, I say that in the present tense because I am constantly in motion with this thought). The general population thinks that a sex therapist simply teaches people how to have sex. This couldn’t be further from the truth (at least it is the furthest thing from the truth in my world). This could be because I have multiple other degrees and interests other than sexuality. It could be because I have always had a bit of rebellion, risk taking, and danger associated with my own behavior. It could also be because simply, life is more than sex.
I believe in helping people whole-heartedly. Anyone who knows me well knows that I give my all to people. They also know that when I see areas where people really need to improve (which would improve their situation) and they don’t care that I can get frustrated. People also know that I believe in taking responsibility for your own part in “the” situation because everyone plays a role. And, if you know me well you will know that I want NO negativity in my life and I work at it everyday (understanding that a little bit is necessary for growth).
The following is what I have learned as a Sex Therapist at this point in my career:
- There is more to life than sex.
2. There is more to a relationship than sex, yet people will get divorced over not having enough sex (there really is no magic number).
3. People judge their therapists as a way to diflect off their own deep-rooted issues.
4. I have come into contact both deeply and on the surface with other therapists who need a therapist more than any of my clients ever have. I know one who is a predator in their personal life-with regard to other’s emotions and simply outlook on life, others who are full of anger, jealousy and rage, others who have extremely low self-esteem/worth, others that do not know how to manage their own lives let alone try to help others.
5. I’ve found authenticity to be my favorite and most valuable attribute in others and myself.
6. I have NO patience for bullshit in my personal life (or for that matter in my office).
7. I have learned to keep my mouth shut because others will use it against you (keeping it shut with the important things- I recognize that writing this isn’t necessarily keeping my mouth shut).
8. I’ve learned that when manipulation is used in a negative way (to me or on me) I will not want ANYTHING to do with you.
9. I’ve learned that there are so many different types of relationships and sexual experiences.
10. I’ve learned that health, both mental and physical is the key to happiness-not money
11. I’ve learned that in order to have mental and physical health you have to get the people out of your life that do not bring you positivity.
12. I’ve also learned that to have mental and physical health you must eat a lot of your food raw (living) and you need to exercise several days a week.
13. I’ve learned that if a person really wants something they will find a way.
14. I’ve learned that the saying “its not what you know it’s who you know” is a very true statement.
15. And finally, I have learned that to be graceful with an edge and bold but with care, straightforward but willing to talk, are character traits that not everyone will like. I have learned at this point in my life that I don’t really care if you like me or not because I like me.
I continue to live and love, and laugh. I will continue to be my own guide as I have been my whole life. No one will ever take that away from me.