And it is here … yoursexdoc.com
Check it out!
Good points on bi-
I sit and watch/read bisexuality being attacked; I’m aware of pretty much all of the negativity supplied by the stereotypes attached to being bisexual and the smear campaign currently in progress that seeks to invalidate bisexuality as a “valid” sexual orientation… and it all makes me scratch my head and wonder why the obvious is being overlooked here. So here we go…
If we can admit that heterosexuality is real and if we’ve gotten around to believing that homosexuality is real, why is it so hard to believe that bisexuality is real? Sexuality is a part of the human condition and, fuck, no, I’m bypassing all that morality stuff for the moment and I might get to it somewhere in this writing but for now, um, yeah, if people can be straight or gay, logic says that there is a middle ground here… except there are a lot of people…
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Wow! What a winter here on the East Coast (and other places in the US). It seemed like it snowed every week with accumulation enough to stop me in my tracks! Missed classes, rescheduled office hours, rescheduled events, etc. I am just coming out of the back up now. And thank goodness the warm weather is right around the corner!
Here are some upcoming things to look out for-
First- My Stoney’s Sex Cafe is every third Weds of the month
April 16th: ED- A Woman’s Perspective
May 21st: Boosting Sex Drive- Naturally and Artificially
June 16th: Meeting his/her Needs- Sexually and Relationally
July 16th: Dealign with Anxiety and Sex
August 20th: Sexual Communication 101
September 17th: Anger, Resentment, and Turmoil- Tips to Deal With These in Relationships
You can also go to my Sex Cafe on delawaresexdoc.com and post as many questions as you would like anonymously-
I am also blogging now for Greentv and will be doing some work with them! This is exciting because it is a passion of mine both connected to sexual health and otherwise.
Hopefully by June I will be certified as a Health Coach and will be expanding my practice- There will be lots to look forward to here for sure!
There are several talks and lectures scheduled in the middle of all of this- which will be updated on my website as well!
So there you have it- a few of the things that are on the schedule in the next few months-
I wish all the best to you,
This is a wonderful read on the struggle of bisexuality-
This is a question that I’ve always found reason to ask, just as I’ve learned that the answers are often so complex that my mind just doesn’t want to deal with it. I think about becoming bisexual in a time where there was no such thing as LGBT communities or sexuality mentoring and a time where homophobia was in play and directed at anyone who appeared to be gay – and even if they really weren’t; I used to see straight people being harassed for being gay and just because of their personality and/or mannerisms.
At first, there’s the internal struggle of having to deal with these feelings and the sure knowledge that you’re not like everyone else – and I’m not talking about any actions that can be taken at this point nor am I talking about the hassles of getting others to accept this thing we’ve got going…
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As the year winds down I always find it very helpful and important to reflect. While there is generally a balance of good and not so good things that happen over the course of a year, my goal is to appreciate the good and learn from the not so good.
Life has plenty of lessons and we can choose to ignore them or learn from them. I choose to learn from them. I also teach my clients this same approach. Often times we focus in on the negative outcomes of situations and circumstances and let those feelings overwhelm us. It is this energy that many people bring into the new year. This is not a good idea.
To be grateful of all things both positive and negative gives us security in our unique paths.
The day that you happen to read this- reflect on three things that you are grateful for that have happened in the year 2013. Bring that positive energy into your New Year!
My schedule will generally be “clumpy” some weeks are more busy then others- work has been pretty steady lately with projects, clients, teaching, and talks/lectures.
Some things that have come up over the last month or so are really health related-but, as we know good health is intimately related to good sex. Many people know the importance of diet and exercise to have a healthy heart, lower the risk of diabetes, lower the risk of obesity- really, prevention of most if not all “dis”eases. The ever so interesting piece to all of this is that even though many people know this information they do not apply it to their own lives. This is sad but also exciting for me to be on my mission to teach people how to be healthy, in that, teaching people how overall health effects relationships, sexuality, focus, stress, and even mental clarity. How does mental clarity go into having good sex? Well, if you’ve ever been stressed out enough to be so focused on the negative and have gotten yourself into a negative thought pattern, then you know mental clarity is not present. How can you have good sex when there is no mental clarity? You cant. So life is a balance and it’s just that concept that I teach my students and clients and for that matter anyone else who will listen!
One tip that I just learned the other day is about water. The myths that are out there about water are plentiful for sure. We think about hydration in a quantity format i.e. I have to drink a certain amount of water every day.” Even with that information out there most people do not drink their required amount of water and do not drink it in the way it should be drank for optimal body results. So here it is… One simple tip can have a huge impact on YOU overall!
Water should be drank 4 ounces every half hour at room temperature until you reach half your body weight. Cold water shocks the body and the kidneys.
The best water is either spring or ionized- tap water has chlorine and antibiotics in it and distilled water takes out valuable minerals.
You can eat your water- cucumbers, celery, and many other vegetables have high amounts of water in them.
You can have herbal teas for water (as well as fresh organic fruit and vegetable juices-from the juicer not from the shelf).
Knowing the information about even something as simple as water intake is important to not only health but also sex. If a person is not properly hydrated they will have fatigue. Who wants sex when they are fatigued? Not many. Proper hydration is imperative to overall health and over sexual health. So start drinking your water ladies and gentlemen!
I think long and hard about this statement (yes, I say that in the present tense because I am constantly in motion with this thought). The general population thinks that a sex therapist simply teaches people how to have sex. This couldn’t be further from the truth (at least it is the furthest thing from the truth in my world). This could be because I have multiple other degrees and interests other than sexuality. It could be because I have always had a bit of rebellion, risk taking, and danger associated with my own behavior. It could also be because simply, life is more than sex.
I believe in helping people whole-heartedly. Anyone who knows me well knows that I give my all to people. They also know that when I see areas where people really need to improve (which would improve their situation) and they don’t care that I can get frustrated. People also know that I believe in taking responsibility for your own part in “the” situation because everyone plays a role. And, if you know me well you will know that I want NO negativity in my life and I work at it everyday (understanding that a little bit is necessary for growth).
The following is what I have learned as a Sex Therapist at this point in my career:
2. There is more to a relationship than sex, yet people will get divorced over not having enough sex (there really is no magic number).
3. People judge their therapists as a way to diflect off their own deep-rooted issues.
4. I have come into contact both deeply and on the surface with other therapists who need a therapist more than any of my clients ever have. I know one who is a predator in their personal life-with regard to other’s emotions and simply outlook on life, others who are full of anger, jealousy and rage, others who have extremely low self-esteem/worth, others that do not know how to manage their own lives let alone try to help others.
5. I’ve found authenticity to be my favorite and most valuable attribute in others and myself.
6. I have NO patience for bullshit in my personal life (or for that matter in my office).
7. I have learned to keep my mouth shut because others will use it against you (keeping it shut with the important things- I recognize that writing this isn’t necessarily keeping my mouth shut).
8. I’ve learned that when manipulation is used in a negative way (to me or on me) I will not want ANYTHING to do with you.
9. I’ve learned that there are so many different types of relationships and sexual experiences.
10. I’ve learned that health, both mental and physical is the key to happiness-not money
11. I’ve learned that in order to have mental and physical health you have to get the people out of your life that do not bring you positivity.
12. I’ve also learned that to have mental and physical health you must eat a lot of your food raw (living) and you need to exercise several days a week.
13. I’ve learned that if a person really wants something they will find a way.
14. I’ve learned that the saying “its not what you know it’s who you know” is a very true statement.
15. And finally, I have learned that to be graceful with an edge and bold but with care, straightforward but willing to talk, are character traits that not everyone will like. I have learned at this point in my life that I don’t really care if you like me or not because I like me.
I continue to live and love, and laugh. I will continue to be my own guide as I have been my whole life. No one will ever take that away from me.
What is that heterosexual men want? In a more traditional time the idea was men wanted a demure woman, a woman that they could take care of and not cause too much trouble. She was to be his prize. Ironically there are still so many unhappy women because they are not partnered with their dream boat. So what is that men want? Here’s the ironic part:
Men want a bold woman. They want to see confidence glowing. They want her to take control of her life and her identity. She needs to be capbale in her job, in her emotions, in her life in general.
Men want to be the Knight. Yes, it is true. While she needs to be capable and confident she also needs to show that she wants him. Men want a woman to admire them for their successes, for who they are and for who they may become. He wants to be the king.
If you think about it, this makes a lot of sense. It is equality within the relationship. But still the question begs, how do these two ideas work together?
First, she needs to have her own identity. She needs to not mold herself to his needs 9 fatal mistake many women make). She is not meant to serve him- she is meant to live her life, figure out the things that please her, that she enjoys- she is to know herself.
Second, She needs to show she admies his character over anything else. He needs to feel she is aware of what he stands for on a deeper level- that she knows him and admires him. Afterall, if you do not like someone’s character you should not be in a relationship with them.
Being bold means that a woman is confident in herself but also can speak clearly about her thoughts and feelings for her male counterpart. She can state her needs, wants and desires knowing that she own them and that its ok. At the same time she can allow him the space to be himself and grow as his own person.