The unveiling of my NEW website will be soon-Sept/Oct 2014
Waiting with anticipation-
Originally posted on Poetically Captivating:
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Wow! What a winter here on the East Coast (and other places in the US). It seemed like it snowed every week with accumulation enough to stop me in my tracks! Missed classes, rescheduled office hours, rescheduled events, etc. I am just coming out of the back up now. And thank goodness the warm weather is right around the corner!
Here are some upcoming things to look out for-
First- My Stoney’s Sex Cafe is every third Weds of the month
April 16th: ED- A Woman’s Perspective
May 21st: Boosting Sex Drive- Naturally and Artificially
June 16th: Meeting his/her Needs- Sexually and Relationally
July 16th: Dealign with Anxiety and Sex
August 20th: Sexual Communication 101
September 17th: Anger, Resentment, and Turmoil- Tips to Deal With These in Relationships
You can also go to my Sex Cafe on delawaresexdoc.com and post as many questions as you would like anonymously-
I am also blogging now for Greentv and will be doing some work with them! This is exciting because it is a passion of mine both connected to sexual health and otherwise.
Hopefully by June I will be certified as a Health Coach and will be expanding my practice- There will be lots to look forward to here for sure!
There are several talks and lectures scheduled in the middle of all of this- which will be updated on my website as well!
So there you have it- a few of the things that are on the schedule in the next few months-
I wish all the best to you,
This is a wonderful read on the struggle of bisexuality-
Originally posted on Kdaddy23's Blog:
This is a question that I’ve always found reason to ask, just as I’ve learned that the answers are often so complex that my mind just doesn’t want to deal with it. I think about becoming bisexual in a time where there was no such thing as LGBT communities or sexuality mentoring and a time where homophobia was in play and directed at anyone who appeared to be gay – and even if they really weren’t; I used to see straight people being harassed for being gay and just because of their personality and/or mannerisms.
At first, there’s the internal struggle of having to deal with these feelings and the sure knowledge that you’re not like everyone else – and I’m not talking about any actions that can be taken at this point nor am I talking about the hassles of getting others to accept this thing we’ve got going…
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As the year winds down I always find it very helpful and important to reflect. While there is generally a balance of good and not so good things that happen over the course of a year, my goal is to appreciate the good and learn from the not so good.
Life has plenty of lessons and we can choose to ignore them or learn from them. I choose to learn from them. I also teach my clients this same approach. Often times we focus in on the negative outcomes of situations and circumstances and let those feelings overwhelm us. It is this energy that many people bring into the new year. This is not a good idea.
To be grateful of all things both positive and negative gives us security in our unique paths.
The day that you happen to read this- reflect on three things that you are grateful for that have happened in the year 2013. Bring that positive energy into your New Year!
My schedule will generally be “clumpy” some weeks are more busy then others- work has been pretty steady lately with projects, clients, teaching, and talks/lectures.
Some things that have come up over the last month or so are really health related-but, as we know good health is intimately related to good sex. Many people know the importance of diet and exercise to have a healthy heart, lower the risk of diabetes, lower the risk of obesity- really, prevention of most if not all “dis”eases. The ever so interesting piece to all of this is that even though many people know this information they do not apply it to their own lives. This is sad but also exciting for me to be on my mission to teach people how to be healthy, in that, teaching people how overall health effects relationships, sexuality, focus, stress, and even mental clarity. How does mental clarity go into having good sex? Well, if you’ve ever been stressed out enough to be so focused on the negative and have gotten yourself into a negative thought pattern, then you know mental clarity is not present. How can you have good sex when there is no mental clarity? You cant. So life is a balance and it’s just that concept that I teach my students and clients and for that matter anyone else who will listen!
One tip that I just learned the other day is about water. The myths that are out there about water are plentiful for sure. We think about hydration in a quantity format i.e. I have to drink a certain amount of water every day.” Even with that information out there most people do not drink their required amount of water and do not drink it in the way it should be drank for optimal body results. So here it is… One simple tip can have a huge impact on YOU overall!
Water should be drank 4 ounces every half hour at room temperature until you reach half your body weight. Cold water shocks the body and the kidneys.
The best water is either spring or ionized- tap water has chlorine and antibiotics in it and distilled water takes out valuable minerals.
You can eat your water- cucumbers, celery, and many other vegetables have high amounts of water in them.
You can have herbal teas for water (as well as fresh organic fruit and vegetable juices-from the juicer not from the shelf).
Knowing the information about even something as simple as water intake is important to not only health but also sex. If a person is not properly hydrated they will have fatigue. Who wants sex when they are fatigued? Not many. Proper hydration is imperative to overall health and over sexual health. So start drinking your water ladies and gentlemen!
I think long and hard about this statement (yes, I say that in the present tense because I am constantly in motion with this thought). The general population thinks that a sex therapist simply teaches people how to have sex. This couldn’t be further from the truth (at least it is the furthest thing from the truth in my world). This could be because I have multiple other degrees and interests other than sexuality. It could be because I have always had a bit of rebellion, risk taking, and danger associated with my own behavior. It could also be because simply, life is more than sex.
I believe in helping people whole-heartedly. Anyone who knows me well knows that I give my all to people. They also know that when I see areas where people really need to improve (which would improve their situation) and they don’t care that I can get frustrated. People also know that I believe in taking responsibility for your own part in “the” situation because everyone plays a role. And, if you know me well you will know that I want NO negativity in my life and I work at it everyday (understanding that a little bit is necessary for growth).
The following is what I have learned as a Sex Therapist at this point in my career:
2. There is more to a relationship than sex, yet people will get divorced over not having enough sex (there really is no magic number).
3. People judge their therapists as a way to diflect off their own deep-rooted issues.
4. I have come into contact both deeply and on the surface with other therapists who need a therapist more than any of my clients ever have. I know one who is a predator in their personal life-with regard to other’s emotions and simply outlook on life, others who are full of anger, jealousy and rage, others who have extremely low self-esteem/worth, others that do not know how to manage their own lives let alone try to help others.
5. I’ve found authenticity to be my favorite and most valuable attribute in others and myself.
6. I have NO patience for bullshit in my personal life (or for that matter in my office).
7. I have learned to keep my mouth shut because others will use it against you (keeping it shut with the important things- I recognize that writing this isn’t necessarily keeping my mouth shut).
8. I’ve learned that when manipulation is used in a negative way (to me or on me) I will not want ANYTHING to do with you.
9. I’ve learned that there are so many different types of relationships and sexual experiences.
10. I’ve learned that health, both mental and physical is the key to happiness-not money
11. I’ve learned that in order to have mental and physical health you have to get the people out of your life that do not bring you positivity.
12. I’ve also learned that to have mental and physical health you must eat a lot of your food raw (living) and you need to exercise several days a week.
13. I’ve learned that if a person really wants something they will find a way.
14. I’ve learned that the saying “its not what you know it’s who you know” is a very true statement.
15. And finally, I have learned that to be graceful with an edge and bold but with care, straightforward but willing to talk, are character traits that not everyone will like. I have learned at this point in my life that I don’t really care if you like me or not because I like me.
I continue to live and love, and laugh. I will continue to be my own guide as I have been my whole life. No one will ever take that away from me.
What is that heterosexual men want? In a more traditional time the idea was men wanted a demure woman, a woman that they could take care of and not cause too much trouble. She was to be his prize. Ironically there are still so many unhappy women because they are not partnered with their dream boat. So what is that men want? Here’s the ironic part:
Men want a bold woman. They want to see confidence glowing. They want her to take control of her life and her identity. She needs to be capbale in her job, in her emotions, in her life in general.
Men want to be the Knight. Yes, it is true. While she needs to be capable and confident she also needs to show that she wants him. Men want a woman to admire them for their successes, for who they are and for who they may become. He wants to be the king.
If you think about it, this makes a lot of sense. It is equality within the relationship. But still the question begs, how do these two ideas work together?
First, she needs to have her own identity. She needs to not mold herself to his needs 9 fatal mistake many women make). She is not meant to serve him- she is meant to live her life, figure out the things that please her, that she enjoys- she is to know herself.
Second, She needs to show she admies his character over anything else. He needs to feel she is aware of what he stands for on a deeper level- that she knows him and admires him. Afterall, if you do not like someone’s character you should not be in a relationship with them.
Being bold means that a woman is confident in herself but also can speak clearly about her thoughts and feelings for her male counterpart. She can state her needs, wants and desires knowing that she own them and that its ok. At the same time she can allow him the space to be himself and grow as his own person.
After spending the last several weeks in conferences seminars, and workshops on everything from healthy eating to relationships to cutting edge sexuality information, I have realized this:
The Short of the Very Long:
The balance in life is delicate. It is also not difficult to do if you have a determination for a better life. Humans, in general, put their own barriers up so they have difficulty succeeding- they also lack motivation when it comes to food. What you put in your system (i.e. food, drink) and what you put on your body (i.e. parabens in lotions, etc) will directly effect your health including your sexual health. Hormones need to be balanced for optimal health. Clear sexual communication is a must and if you do not know how to clearly communicate about your needs sexually – learn how to. Not knowing how to communicate your needs generally stems from values and upbringing often wrapped around religion. We are taught to hate our bodies through religion-especially women (think Adam and Eve)-think body shame.
The unhealthy couple is in a one up one down position- one of them has the power the other one does not. The one that does not begins to resent so both partners end up in a one down position with regard to the relationship and everyone loses. There is a balance in a relationship that needs to be understood and worked out. Couples begin bad habits for so many reasons – lack of communication, family of origin issues, values, resentment, etc.
While these may seem like random thoughts- they are a culmination of what was learned over the last several weeks. Now the big question is what to do about all of this. I am a big believer in diet, exercise, and stress management.
Before you eat breathe 5 times as to change your digestive environment. You should not eat under/in stress. The result will be gastro intestinal issues and worse.
Eat a clean healthy organic diet with at least 70 percent living foods (raw).
If you eat meat choose meet that is organic, grass fed, cage free, and treated humane.
Avoid GMO’s at all costs.
Visualize your desires every day for at least five minutes.
Exercise at least four times a week but not extreme exercise because it taxes your adrenal glands- slow jogging, fast walking, yoga, etc.
Find time for yourself to relax every day whether it be five minutes or longer.
Find time at least once a week to fantasize about your erotic life- learn to feel sexy and alive in your eroticism- this will be brought to real life (some or all).
Laugh as much as possible as it releases healing chemicals.
Work to understand your partner and your friends as understanding is a key to long lasting relationships. Being right is not.
Where to begin, where to begin, where to begin….
Many people think the title Sex Therapist means that I only know about sex. As I am writing this I can’t believe I am even acknowledging that ignorance. Maybe this is the case for some but certainly not for me. However, I will say many things do come full circle back to relationships, sex but more importantly health. That aside my interests, therapy, coaching, etc. far exceeds sex therapy. And, I am certainly not defined by that title.
Recently, Saturday May 25, 2013 to be exact, I went to a March in Philadelphia. The March was the March Against Monsanto. I have been into non-GMO’d foods for quite a while eating only organic foods for optimal health. The March was the beginning of something old for me (if that makes sense?). My passion for health has been strong for years. I can remember days (again I don’t believe I am going to admit this) that I would smoke organic cigarettes while drinking a fresh vegetable juice from my Juicer. I know it doesn’t make sense but that was the way it was. I use everything I learn in my practice and my teachings and have now for years.
The March Against Monsanto sparked something new in me though but the feeling is old in the sense that I have been there before. Strength, a voice, political, push and pull, conquer are all words that come to mind when I think about my new journey. This journey is fighting to get labeling of GMO’s in Delaware. A few states are coming around Connecticut being one of them. This is now a mission for the health of this state (I am concerned about the whole world actually but Rome wasn’t built in a day).
I can’t believe the data I get everyday about what is in our foods, how much of our food is GMO’d, and the lack of empathy to the people getting sick. Mind you, the avoidance and denial of many people is almost just as bad as far as I am concerned. It is important to take your health into your own hands. The doctors are there to help you but you know you better than anyone. It is time to listen to our bodies. When we do not feel well look at what we are putting into our system and start making changes.
If you want to make a difference join my Facebook page “ Delawareans For Labeling of GMO’s” with over 600 members and counting and lets make a difference in our health and well being!