Dr. Debra Laino

Sex Therapy and Life Coaching in Delaware

When One Door Closes Another One Always Opens

I consider myself to be pro-marriage.  Of course I am! I fix them for a living (as part of what I do).  However, over the years I have questioned whether or not some can be fixed (obviously through my experience).  I also accept that some people are not pro-marriage and live in the area of non-monogamy.  To each their own.

For some, saying good-bye to a person that we do care about tremendously because either one person will not try to understand, both people have different life goals or “we just don’t get along” and a plethora of other factors.   The pain is often compounded because of subconscious guidance by our values, beliefs and rules for our lives-the “blueprint” that we have designed over the years.

What I have found in both personal and professional space is that often our values, beliefs and rules we have for ourselves are not serving us-they are in fact doing a diservice.  Yet, most people stay true to those values, beliefs and rules and will live in misery and pain.  In actuality if you tweak them just a bit you can find fullfilment.  Let’s take marriage for an example:

I have come across people in my years that will stay married when they are unhappy and have been unhappy for 25 years and more -they are getting barely any of their needs met and have been in countless arguments over it.  Yet, they stay and live their lives in misery.  When one tweak of your values around marriage you can start to feel fulfilment.  That tweak is understanding that you can’t make someone else love you the way you want to be loved (they have to understand and be capable of loving you in that way).  If they are not understanding that whether married or not you deserve (everyone deserves to be loved).  You can move into another relationship where you are loved in the way in which you desire.  But in order to do that you have tweak your “blueprint” on marriage.

Again, I have worked with countless couples.  The one thing I see clearly is if both partners are willing to make some changes and work hard on building the relationship, marriages can heal and move onto another level.  If the couple is not willing (as a team) to start building or at minimum learning how to build and be a team (which includes many things but one primary inclusion is solid communication and listening skills) they will not survive.

Understand what it is that you want and start moving toward it…

Ciao,

DD

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2 thoughts on “When One Door Closes Another One Always Opens

  1. As always, excellent life advice!

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